Silly Old Daniel Does Disney: Chapter 5
Is a dream really "a wish your heart makes"? An investigation.
Hiya! Can yous believe that this whole Disney rewatch endeavour started when I had Covid and was stuck upstairs in my old bedroom at my parents’ house, and here I am a-bastard-gain, stuck upstairs in my old bedroom at my parents’ house with Covid?
Don’t worry, I’m fine, but there’s something that feels extremely unchic about having Covid in April 2023, especially just a few days before my birthday. Aries season did get off to a very strong start – I interviewed the best actor in the world! – but it’s fair to say it all went off a bit of a cliff after that.
Never mind, eh? The main thing is, we’re now into the top 20 of my ultimate Disney ranking – so we are properly into the big leagues. If this is your first time reading, I’d recommend catching up on parts one, two, three and four before we find out the 10 films that are getting my personal silver medal…
20. Frozen II (2019)
I know, right? I really was not expecting Frozen II to do so well here, especially as I came away from watching it for the first time not entirely sure I understood the extremely complicated plot (my other main takeaway was Abi nearly getting into a scrap with the lass in front when she told her to get off her phone, which was camp).
And do you know what? I still think the plot is slightly convoluted and difficult for young kids to get their heads around, and yes, it is slightly too long. But despite this, the real reason I consider Frozen II a triumph… is the songs. The songs!! My goodness!!!!!
I think of the Frozen II soundtrack as the More ABBA Gold to Frozen’s ABBA Gold. Sure, people are always going to treat the original as the go-to, and why wouldn’t they? All the most popular songs are on there! But it’s not the whole story. Scroll a little further down on Spotify, and you’re in for Summer Night City and Angeleyes and The Visitors and I Am The City. No, they’re not necessarily the “essentials” but you can’t say life isn’t better for having them in it, either.
And let’s talk about those Frozen II songs, shall we? Kicking off with the mysterious prologue All Is Found, we head straight into the reassuring Some Things Never Change and then, just SEVENTEEN MINUTES IN, the triple punch is rounded off with the sheer majesty of Into The Unknown.
It’s very obvious that the team behind Frozen II wanted Into The Unknown to be the Let It Go of the sequel… but it’s not, is it? The thing is, Let It Go’s unwavering success felt like it sort of happened by accident (much like We Don’t Talk About Bruno just under a decade later), without being rammed down our throats by Disney (at least at first). In keeping with that idea, the real big song off the Frozen II soundtrack is another Idina Menzel work of art, Show Yourself, which starts off small and builds up to an absolute explosion I could cry just thinking about. Into The Unknown is standing on the cusp of self-discovery, but Show Yourself is a powerful victory lap once you’ve reached the top of that mountain. That final cry of “I am found” gives me absolute chills, it’s so triumphant.
Rounding off the soundtrack are When I Am Older (very fun, but very sensible to keep it brief at under two minutes – and this is maybe the only character’s song that’s better in the sequel than the original), Lost In The Woods (pastiche songs like this have the potential to be really cringe but this is brilliantly executed) and The Next Right Thing (admittedly not my favourite initially, to me it felt like an excuse to shoe-horn in a ballad for Kristen Bell, until I found out the devastating back story behind it and now I think it’s very very powerful). To quote that Rachel lass from X Factor who went all round the towns and that: “Come on, it was good, wasn’t it?”. Although that Panic! At The Disco cover of Into The Unknown they included over the end credits is a proper jump-scare.
Scene-stealer: The thing with Olaf is that everything about him – from his appearance, to his voice performance, to his sense of humour – has the potential to be extremely grating. And yet… he’s not at all. He’s a total sweetheart. Frozen II takes that emotional scene towards the end of the first film and amps it up 100 notches by full-on killing Olaf off, but we find out in the epilogue that Olaf cannot die, which is a sweet-if-not-slightly-unnerving-Russian-Doll-esque piece of information about our adorable snowman companion.
What’s apparent in both Frozen films is that Josh Gad had an absolute blast voicing this character, and it’s infectious.
19. Hercules (1997)
Sometimes I hear a younger queer millennial talking about how much they love Greek mythology and I know deep down that what they’re talking about are the scenes in this film (and, if they were obviously rich enough to have had the Disney Channel, its accompanying spin-off TV series) where the gods are all sat around chatting.
I’ve already spoke at length about how the music is the star of Frozen II, and that’s very much the case for Hercules, too. There are some absolutely wonderful characters in this film – Hercules going from bullied outcast to beloved national hero is a beautiful story arc, as is Phil’s ascent, and gods like Zeus and, of course, Hades are so fabulously well thought out too. But the songs are what really shine.
When he worked on Hercules, Alan Menken had just come off the back of The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, one of his most serious and dark musical works ever, so it must have been such a fabulous relief to do something so extra and unapologetically joyous here. And the results are just beautiful. Obviously, everyone loves the toe-tapping Zero To Hero and A Star Is Born (Penni T’s entrance music on Drag Idol, iykyk), as well as the emotional Go The Distance (performed by that weirdo pharmacist from Desperate Housewives) – and even Danny DeVito’s oft-forgotten One Last Hope is a fun little ditty.
But if we’re talking about the music in Hercules, let’s get to I Won’t Say (I’m In Love), potentially the best song in Disney’s 100-year history. Fantastic lyrics, flawlessly executed, gorgeously sung, perfectly animated. Hard to pick my favourite bit, so here are six of my personal highlights:
6. “If there’s a prize for rotten judgement, I guess I’ve already won that” – Meg, to quote Carrie Bradshaw, “you just said a mouthful there, sister”. But also, what she’s telling us right off the bat is that her reluctance to fall for Hercules has nothing to do with him, but her own previous experiences. Meg is one of the most complicated women in a Disney film ever, and I just adore her for it.
5. “It’s too cliché” – the way Susan Egan spits out the word “cliché” – Meg is absolutely disgusted at herself for having the feelings she does, which again have nothing to do with her own present circumstances (Hades deal aside, obv), and everything to do with the mistakes of her past.
4. “At least out loud, I won’t say I’m in love” – fully owning the fact she’s in denial, extremely relatable.
3. “My head is screaming ‘get a grip girl’, unless you’re dying to cry your heart out” – not only is this a brilliantly written line, the delivery is just spot on, and it’s followed by an absolutely gutteral “wooOOOOOah”, where Meg feels so hopeless she’s essentially gone post-verbal.
2. “Got, got, GOT IT BAD!” – the Muses aren’t so much providing back-up for Meg in this song but talking it out with her, and this is the line where they shine brightest.
1. “GET OFF MY CASE, I won’t say it!” – what can I even add? 10/10, no notes.
Scene-stealer: When I was listing the best characters in Hercules above, I deliberately didn’t name Meg, because she deserves her own separate mention. Like Esmerelda in The Hunchback Of Notre Dame (released immediately before this film), Meg has charisma and energy in spades. Not only is the voice work on this character absolutely spot-on (you can tell by her voice that Meg is world-weary and hardened, and yet still not quite as hardened as she wants to make out that she is), and I love everything about her design, head-to-toe. The fact she’s responsible for what I’ve already pronounced the best film in Disney history is just the lilac icing on top.
In short, Meg is a god-tier character, and they are going to have a hard job finding someone to do her justice in the inevitable remake. Meg is everything, and Hercules is just Ken.
18. Pinocchio (1940)
A film full of absolute fucking weirdos. Gepetto leaping about the place in his night-dress, very obviously free-balling. That no-nosed blue fairy. Jiminy Cricket running around town whistling, which we all know is the worst thing a person (or, in this case, cricket) can do. That hideous fox and his bastard cat sidekick. Stromboli and his extremely round caboose. Every single person in the Pleasure Island sequence, but especially that ginger lad who smokes a cigar and gets turned into a donkey, and that absolute weirdo running the show who looks like a cross between Boris Johnson and Ann Widdecombe.
Then there’s Pinocchio himself – telling blatant lies, getting eaten by a whale and then turning into a very ugly child (I CAN SAY IT HE’S A CARTOON) at the end.
This film is a nightmare from start to finish, but I think it’s intentional, so well done everyone involved, I suppose.
Scene-stealer: There’s not much to be said about Cleo, given that she doesn’t say a single fucking word for the entire film, other than she has the most enviable lashes I’ve ever seen on a fish.
17. Pocahontas (1995)
Before I rewatched Pocahontas over the summer, I was a little bit nervous about how impartial it was going to be. And the answer is, “not as impartial as I had feared, but still more impartial than I might have liked”. Obviously, one of the most glaring examples of this is with the character of John Smith, who – despite Disney’s best efforts – there is just no redeeming (definitely not helped by the actor who voiced him, either).
Pocahontas is overall quite an enjoyable film – and, again, the songs THE SONGS are wonderful (Colours Of The Wind in particular is a staple in my own shower repertoire) – but there is a cloud hanging over it that makes it hard to love fully.
Scene-stealer:
16. Cinderella (1950)
I thought I hated the film Cinderella, you know? But I didn’t! I just hate those bastard mice!!! The film itself, I found charming and lovely. I even thought the title character – so often criticised for being twee and lacking agency and ambition – was likeable. And A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes is just an absolutely beautiful song, even though it does make – if we’re being honest – zero sense. To illustrate my point, here are some dreams I’ve tweeted about in the past and whether or not they represent a wish my heart made…
NOVEMBER 2022: “I had a dream last night me and Leslie Jordan were both in a Netflix Christmas rom-com and he was proper gassing me up and telling me it was going to kickstart my acting career.”
Was it a wish my heart made? Quite possibly yes
SEPTEMBER 2022: “After watching Malignant I didn’t have nightmares but I did have really really fast paced dreams last night, at one point Gollum was performing Close To You by The Carpenters but like RIGHT in my ear.”
Was it a wish my heart made? Absolutely not.
JULY 2022: “I had a dream last night that they announced Madonna as the new Sally Bowles in Cabaret in the West End, could you imagine?”
Was it a wish my heart made? Yes. Also, did you know I’m gay?
APRIL 2022: “I had a dream last night I was a contestant on a celebrity tennis show and my partner was Leslie Ash.”
Was it a wish my heart made? I’m gonna say no in this instance.
APRIL 2022: “Just remembered my dream last night I got terrible sunburn.”
Was it a wish my heart made? No!
OCTOBER 2021: “Had a dream last night that I could speak to Amy Winehouse from beyond the grave through a Covid test but I accidentally dropped it down the toilet?”
Was it a wish my heart made? Hmmm… a mixed bag.
Scene-stealer: Lady Tremaine is such an effective villain. Obviously she owes a lot to The Wicked Queen from Snow White, who came over a decade earlier, but they put in so many little sinister details to really show how pure evil she is. For starters, I believe there are two scenes that make use of fades where the last thing you see of her are the whites of her eyes. The vocal delivery – compared to other Disney villains – is so constant and steady and icy cold that you really feel her revulsion at Cinderella.
That bit where the step-sisters tear up Cinderella’s dress and Lady Tremaine stands there and watches, smirking, is done so well and looks so nightmarish that it kind of puts me in a bit of a panic. Well done, all involved. What an absolute horror Lady Tremaine is.
15. Wreck-It Ralph (2012)
In case you missed my earlier review of Ralph Breaks The Internet (which I was less taken by), let me just say this… I love Wreck-It Ralph. A story about two misfits who become unlikely buddies, complete with retro video game references that mostly went over my head because I’m not a gamer (although my old Game Boy and Pokémon Yellow have been real saviours during this particular Covid isolation), some absolutely brilliant supporting characters and a very satisfying twist.
If it had some original songs, Wreck-It Ralph would sum up everything I love about Disney films. But it doesn’t have original songs – in fact one scene makes surprising use of Rihanna’s Shut Up And Drive – and for that reason it’s going to have to settle with being 15th best instead.
Scene-stealer: Aw, it’s got to be Ralph himself for this one. When we meet him, he’s feeling left out, pigeon-holed and underestimated, and it’s very sad. He literally makes a bed for himself out of bricks, which he sleeps on while everyone else in town is having a party. How grim is that!!
What he thinks he wants is acclaim and adulation – but, of course, what he really wants is a friend who sees him for what he is. And he gets one, and it’s beautiful. I LOVE YOU, RALPH. Also, I’m sorry to lower the tone, but I know for sure that he is packing. Good for him.
14. Zootopia (2016)
Zootopia is Matt’s favourite Disney film, which is even further proof of his excellent taste. I don’t have all that much to say about this film, other than it’s very funny, very cute and Shakira does a musical number at the end!
There is an ever so slight whiff of copaganda about it, which does poop the party just a tiny smidge, but it’s overall a very enjoyable experience that I would recommend to anyone.
Scene-stealer: The sequence with Flash, the Sloth, is almost Simpsons-esque in the way it takes an absolute hilarious bit, carries it on to the point it’s not funny anymore and then drags it on so long that you start laughing again. It’s giving Sideshow Bob stepping on rakes, and that is the highest compliment of something’s comedic value I think I could give.
13. The Emperor’s New Groove (2000)
The thing with The Emperor’s New Groove is that it’s a miracle it even exists at all. Much like The Black Cauldron before it, this is a film that was rewritten a million times, chopped and changed and edited down to the point it was completely unrecognisable from its original version by the time it hit cinemas. Unlike The Black Cauldron, though, the finished product of The Emperor’s New Groove is, somehow, an absolute triumph.
Plenty of Disney films have the odd laugh-out-loud sequence here and there, but The Emperor’s New Groove is, again, like peak Simpsons in that the jokes are near-constant, every single one of them hits, and they somehow still move the plot along. I’m very sorry to Sting, but watching The Emperor’s New Groove, there’s not an a whiff of corporate meddling, which makes me wonder if by the the time the wheels were in motion on the final version we ended up with, all of the suits had simply thrown their hands up and given up, leaving the writers and artists to do their thing.
The Emperor’s New Groove is like magic in a bottle, not something that could be replicated again, even if Disney tried (and, to their credit, they never did).
If there were just a few more recognisable songs in the mix (which, annoyingly, did exist at one point before being cut for various reasons), and it had a bit more of a prolific presence in the wider Disney canon, I’m confident this would have beaten some of the more famous films to make it into the top 10.
No Disney film makes me laugh quite like this one, and I’m happy that in more recent years, it feels like it’s finally getting its flowers a bit more.
Scene-stealer: Everything about Yzma is simply perfect. Like all good Disney villains, she effortlessly walks the line between grotesque and glamorous (even that scene where she’s woken up in the middle of the night wig-less and in full face-mask is the epitome of glam). But where Yzma differs from most Disney villains is that she gets her own comedy moments.
If I type out lines like “or, to save on postage”, “pull the lever, Kronk!” or even “alright, a quick cup of coffee”, you’re hearing them in Eartha Kitt’s voice, aren’t you?
12. Encanto (2021)
Alright, I have a bit of a complicated relationship with Encanto. You see, I’d already started doing my Disney rewatch before Encanto was even on Disney+, so when it finally came out, I didn’t want to watch it out of order and spoil it for myself, which meant not seeing it until over a year after its release (including completely swerving We Don’t Talk About Bruno’s chart domination, which you can imagine was not the easiest task for someone who loves both chart music and Disney).
By the time I finally settled down to watch it for the first time in 2022, I knew it was going to be amazing, and my expectations were definitely met, but not necessarily exceeded, so I couldn’t help feeling a bit… whelmed? And that, of course, is totally unfair, because it is a cracking film that I really did love – it’s not its fault that it’s so good everyone I knew had already me told how great it wa (I’ve actually rewatched it again, this time with my friend’s daughter, and arguably enjoyed it even more on repeat viewing).
Encanto is a very unique film for Disney not just in its themes about complicated family relationships and generational trauma, but also because of just how many main characters there are within the Madrigal family. Most of them are great – I like the mam a whole lot, Bruno is basically what I look like after what feels like 10 years of Covid isolation, and then there’s Mirabel. Oh, Mirabel! What a great character, with such a great attitude to the hand she’s been dealt with. What she lacks in magic powers she makes up for in emotional intelligence, which is more than can be said for that Abuela. Don’t even get me started. And when the family took that photo without her, I did want to put my fist through the screen.
One thing I was so impressed about with Encanto was that, more than any other Disney film, the musical sequences felt like proper full-on choreographed production numbers – so it did not surprise me at all to see that none other than Jamal Sims (!!!) was listed as choreographer on the credits. And as for the songs themselves… well, there’s a reason the Encanto soundtrack was such a huge chart hit. Say what you want but Lin-Manuel Miranda is a genuine musical genius (still think they should have brought a gay in for the new live-action Little Mermaid songs, mind).
Scene-stealer: The second I clapped eyes on Luisa, I was like BenDeLaCreme when Gia Gunn walked into the season six werk room: “Who is THAT?!” So to see her not just own the way she looks but then perform a whole song about how people don’t realise she’s struggling, and because of that they just pile more onto her, and that makes her struggle even more… what an amazing character, and some absolutely genius writing.
I was about to come in here saying how tragically underrated Surface Pressure is, but I’m now seeing it was actually a number three hit here in the UK, which is pretty fair play, to be honest. The thought of a whole generation of young people seeing Luisa looking the way she looks, being celebrated for it, and also being emotionally vulnerable makes me quite excited, to be honest.
11. The Lion King (1994)
I knew this moment was going to come eventually, but it’s finally time for me to talk to come clean… about why I do not care for The Lion King.
As a kid, I could never quite put my finger on why The Lion King did so little for me, especially compared to almost every other film from this Renaissance period. I figured it might be because this is really the only one that centres around animals, but watching it back, I realised something else. That Simba is a bit of a brat, really, isn’t he? Like, obviously it’s a shame his dad got chucked off a cliff by his uncle, and he was gaslit into thinking it was his fault, but that ultimately doesn’t make him any less of a pain in the arse in the first third of the film, does it?
At the end of the day, The Lion King is just a story about a load of rich royals, isn’t it? And obviously, I know plenty of my faves are about royalty to one extent or another, but Ariel and Jasmine are both keen to put their royal lives behind them, Elsa has royal life thrust upon her before she’s ready when her parents die, and even Aurora spends most of her life with no idea she’s anything but a peasant who lives alone in the woods with her three fairy carers. Simba, on the other hand, sings a whole song about how he “just can’t wait to be king” and I’m sorry but that’s just not all that relatable to six-year-old me, watching this film at home in Hebburn on a pirate video my dad got from work (JOKING OF COURSE) (I tell you what, though, I LOVED when you got a non-pirate Disney film and it had that holographic seal on it, that was hours of fun right there).
Let’s get onto the positives, though. My personal feelings aside, there’s a reason The Lion King is so popular. For one thing, that opening sequence is capital-I Iconic, opening with that unmistakable sunrise, and reaching its crescendo with Simba being presented to Pride Rock (I’m just saying if I were one of them zebras I would not be bowing down to baby Simba, no amount of arse-licking is gonna stop you being eaten, my darlings, WHICH A FEW PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY SHOULD PROBS REMEMBER IN THE COMING WEEKS) and then that thunder of drums as we’re greeted with the title card.
As for the characters, Mufasa is an absolute top-tier Disney dad, Timon and Pumbaa are lovely (although I could defo do without some of the fart jokes, which I just think lower the tone, sorry to sound like Hyacinth Bucket) and that Scar… well, he’s a prick, isn’t he? The Be Prepared number with the hyenas goose-stepping like Nazis is absolutely chilling. In fact, this whole film is so effectively animated, whether it’s the cheekiness of Rafiki, the beautiful changing skies or that overtly sexual look Nala gives to Simba after they’re reunited.
So yeah, overall The Lion King is not for me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it for what it is. And for that reason, it’s as high as it can be on my ranking, without actually making it into the top 10.
Scene-stealer: It’s impossible to talk about Scar without talking about Be Prepared, and it’s impossible to talk about Be Prepared without mentioning what an absolute let-down the verison in the “live-action” (aka completely animated albeit with photo-realistic lions, and who needs to see a photo-realistic lion going about its business with Beyoncé’s speaking voice?) remake. But while The Lion King isn’t my favourite film, I have to say that the original Be Prepared is peak Disney for me. As I mentioned, it’s extremely effective in its sinister imagery and really lets you know Scar is not to be fucked with, and it’s also beautifully animated. But there are also so many funny bits too (“we'll be prepared… for what?”, “for the death of the king!”, “why? Is he sick?”).
If Scar’s plot were just overthrowing the monarchy, rather than taking over the throne himself, I’d undoubtedly find him pretty easy to root for. As it turns out, he’s just power-mad, and he probably deserves the especially gruesome end that eventually comes to him.
And there we have it, all that’s left is to find out which films have made the top 10! Actually, you could probably work that out for yourself through the process of elimination. But you don’t know what order they’re going to be in, do you? Aye! So come back in a week and find out, I suppose.
I’ll end on this one that I’ve been thinking about since the Frozen II discussion above.
Laters! x